If mom were alive, what do you think she would want the two of you to be doing now?
If Suzanne were alive today there would be two things on her mind. One would be serving a mission for the church and the other would be to enjoy her grandchildren. Suzanne loved toddlers and working with MIA age youth. She had a great talent at both and I’m positive she would have be a great grandmother to all of her darling grandchildren. Her own mother, Marjorie would be her model. Marjorie was a very loving, kindhearted, gentle woman who loved serving in the church and loved her grandchildren. When I met Suzanne’s family I often told Suzanne that I fell in love with her mother first. We both enjoyed art. We both loved classical music. When I began dating Suzanne and went to her home - the first thing I always did was go over to the phonograph and put a piece of classical music on the turntable which we all enjoyed. Suzanne, Marjorie, and Belva loved antiques and Suzanne, Marjorie and I often went together to antique shops together. We mostly looked and occasionally bought some little trinket. You may not know, but one time Belva told Suzanne and I that she wanted to treat us with a piece of furniture. We needed a formal dining table which we got at an antique store and Belva paid for it. Later Belva said she wanted to do the same thing again. That is how we got the blue tufted couch which we enjoyed for so many years. Both items were in the Keats home.
One time Jim, Marjorie, Suzanne and I went to the Hollywood Bowl together and enjoyed the Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture with cannons blazing. What a wonderful memory.
Depression:
When mom warned me one day that "depressions runs in the family", I had assumed she was talking about herself, since she had tears in her eyes at the time. However, I was teenager stuck in my own issues, and didnt ask any clarifying questions. Do you think she meant you or her?
I’m sure Suzanne had down days as we all do but I never saw any depression. She did suffer somewhat from being tired after watching you kids. During the summers I came home from summer school and took all of you to the park to give her a little rest. Even when we were selling the Keats Lane house and she was filled with cancer and we hid her in a bed when the Realtors came by to show the home, I never saw her feel sorry for herself or even get in a bad mood. During the 5 years of cancer her attitude was one of “Kent, what are we going to try next?”
Have you suffered from depression, outside of situational depression? Situational depression is depression that is triggered by a specific situation, such as having a dying wife or going bankrupt, and the depression can resolve with time and not come back.
A. Every once in a while I do have down days. Low self esteem days. However they are rare. I’ve never felt depressed. Sitting here after having two catheters placed in me and having pain that a nurse in our ward described as close to childbirth (caused by a Spastic bladder condition and being cooped up for the last week and two days and waiting on another procedure I'm not depressed at all. It hasn’t been fun but I just grit my teeth and hold on because I know there will be an end soon.) Last Thursday was the most painful day of my life - driving to the urologist. I thought I was going to faint from the cramps. The next day I felt better and we received food from ward members, a priesthood blessing and a young man came and detailed our lawn. I think this whole experience is going to help me become more compassionate and empathetic with others. I’m sure I need this lesson.
I think all my siblings and I have delt with depression and/or anxiety in some form or another throughout much of our lives, and it has been helpful for us to talk amongst each other about things that help.
Good to know. I worked with a teacher named Ava deLaSota for almost 40 years. She worked with at risk kids and began a program at school called "Safe School” She did a lot of good. Unfortunately she committed suicide and never got to enjoy her retirement. Anxiety and depression are real and I’m sure having somebody to talk to and getting professional help and sometimes medication is a good idea. I hope the best for everyone.
Harold (Jim's father) and his wife often quarreled bitterly, and in the latter years he lived in a room in the back of the house. But they never divorced. This incident symbolized their relationship: One time as they knelt down for family prayers, his wife complained that he always called on her. He said it didn't really matter since they both prayed for the same things: she prayed that she would have the strength to forgive him, and so did he....He felt badly for the way he had treated her, and it was his desire to live longer than her so that he could take care of her. He had several heart attacks, but he did outlive her by a couple of years, and largely cared for her when she gave up caring for herself. He quit smoking and drinking many times, finally giving up drink for good, but he went back to smoking until shortly before going into a coma, which he was in for about a year. My dad thinks it gave him a chance to have the craving cleaned out of his body before he died. He lived to be 90 years old.
Parent/child relationship:
What are some of your fondest memories of when we were kids?
One of them was watching each of you being born. As you know it is unusual for someone to have his father-in-law deliver almost all of his children in the same room he delivered their mother. The miracle of birth is truly humbling. Dr Brown was always so kind and gentle with Suzanne and each of you as you came out of the birth canal. It all seemed so natural and Devine. Before you were born Suzanne practiced the Lamaz method of focusing on an object and rhythmic breathing. Then she asked me to rub her back to take away the pain. Once I fell asleep rubbing her. Tears were expressed as we watched each of you take their first breath and enter mortality.
Being a teacher I was trained to be watchful over everyone in my charge. Safety first. When we had Chad, Suzanne and I shared caring for him. Then you came along and each of us had someone to watch over. When Eric entered the scene we now had a group. From then on it was a challenge to make sure everyone was healthy and safe. Those were days of overwhelming joy. We loved kissing all of you, wrestling, snuggling, teasing, coming up with nicknames and watching you grow up. We both wanted six children. Seems like a big number today but we were determined and Suzanne was filled with joy went Brett sealed the deal.
As you got older there was a lot of activity surrounding soccer. I remember the day Suzanne and I were in the from yard of the Hyssop home and were surprised when Eric’s coach drove up and out of his car jumped Eric. We forgot to pick him up!!!! We enjoyed the fresh air, the parents and kids and watching each of you play your best.
What are some of your regrets?
My biggest regret was the times I got angry, When it occasionally happened, afterwards I felt terrible and wanted to change. I knew it was wrong. Suzanne said, “Kent you know I love you, but you can do better than that.” Thank goodness I no longer have that problem. Deborah says I am the most patient person she has ever known. And yet two weeks ago a couple came over when we were supposed to leave on an errand and they talked on and on and I finally I said, "I think we had better go.” Apparently, I still have a ways to go in this department.
Another regret was when Eric and his family left the church. I should have just said, “I’m sorry you are leaving. I love you and respect your decision.” That is pretty much how Ashley handled the situation and I now believe she had the right idea.
What personality traits do you see in each of us that are like you or like mom?
Chad - highly intelligent and kind hearted like his mother. Also reader like Suzanne.
Rachel - also very smart and very determined - once she sets a goal, like me, she works it until it is accomplished. Takes good care of herself like me.
Eric - a natural leader and physically strong. Suzanne had the same leadership skills as Eric.
Ryan - very smart, a gentle kind, person full of goodness. Ryan reminds me of uncle David or the sweet nature of Suzanne.
Ashley - so pretty, so good. Of all my children Ashley is the most like Suzanne in temperament and commitment to things that are good.
Brett - Sees the goodness in everyone. Full of charity and love. Expresses love fully and freely. A great example to me.
What songs brings back good memories of mom or us?
When were dating I had such tender feelingings toward Suzanne that from day one I always thought the best song to represent how I felt about Suzanne was the second movement of Beethoven’s 7th Symphony. People in Vienna like the piece so much that when other of Beethoven’s symphonies were played they wanted him to substitute the second movement of his 7 Symphony for the one he originally wrote. Listen to it and see what you think. I often played Beethoven in the home Suzanne said, That sounds so royal, so regal.”
What was your favorite activity with each of us, at any age.
One of my fondest memories was watching all of you learn to swim, and watching you at the pool each summer. It was relaxing and I took joy in your joy. For some of you I also loved having you help me in Summer School. I still have a Rocketry T-shirt made by Eric.
Chad - As a toddler watching Chad hit all the milestones. I remember being at Home Depot and as a two year old picking up a can of spray paint with one hand. He was so much fun watching him mature and learn new skills.
Rachel - Watching Rachel turn from a gangly pre-teen into a young woman, I remember Brian George said you were the most beautiful bride he had ever seen.
Eric - Hiking Bryce Canyon. Although I was slow Eric stayed back with me and often helped me on that hike. I was twice the age of Eric’s friends but it was great fun.
Ryan - watching Ryan turn from a teenage Abercrombie & Fitch model into a model husband was truly a miracle. I had a lot of discussions about kicking it up a notch with Ryan but when he got married he transformed from a kid into an amazing man.
Ashley - Putting Ashley on the bus in Stevenson Ranch and watching her go from a pretty/cheerful 5 year old to a confident beautiful young woman was like watching a flower open. I remember dropping her off at college the first time and driving home feeling like I had lost something precious. I depended on Ashley cheering me up generally and most particularly when Suzanne died.
Brett - The day Brett stood in the driveway on his way to college. I said, “I’m going to miss you Brett.” He said, “Well I’m not going to miss you! Bye!”
A: That didn’t hurt my feeling because I knew that each of you had to separate the find your own way in life. I also remember the day Brett told me he wanted Deborah and I to spend time with his daughters. Time changes us all and in the end most of us find that the most important things have to do with family relationships.
Elaine:
Q. I remember you described that Elaine would sun herself for hours to help with her pain. But I don't recall if that was associated with her cancer, was it something else?.
Q. Her death certificate said carcinoid on the heart valves and tumors in the abdomen. Was there a theory of the origin, like ovarian or lung cancer?
I had a friend die of ovarian cancer a few years ago, and she looked pregnant suddenly and painful before they discovered the tumors. Were there any outward signs of your mother's cancer?
A. According to JH Elaine may have had the beginning of her cancer when Janice was born in 1953. The cancer started traveling slowly. It may have started in her ovaries but that is unclear. It is amazing that she had Jeff and Julie after that. Cancer grows very slowly at first and with Suzanne it doubled every hundred days. In 1959 Elaine began to look pregnant. The doctors said it was the cancer and a lot of fluid in her abdomen. I had the bedroom next to hers and toward the end I fell asleep each night with the sounds of her moaning and crying in pain. I remember the morning after she died like it was yesterday.
A. After the birth of her seventh child Elaine did not feel well. The doctor’s eventually found extensive cancer and in 1960 she died at the age of 35. She is buried in the Valhalla Memorial Park, North Hollywood, California.
Q: Not sure if this was folklore, but I had heard that grandpa didnt tell the kids that their mom had died, just took everyone to the funeral. And julie (or someone else?) had to sit in the back of the hearse with the coffin? I fully recognize that you broke this generational trauma by talking about our mom and her death immediately, thank you.
A. No one sat in the back with the coffin and dad explained what had happened in the best way he knew. Shortly before her death Jeff was jumping around at the foot of her bed and she, in pain, asked to have him taken out. They didn’t handled pain back then like they do today.
1960, August 30, For some of us, the summer of 1960 was difficult and sad. As I recall the Callisters (Bishop) lost their daughter on a young people’s tour in early summer. Our family was struggling with the terminal illness of my wife. Despite their great loss, Bishop Callister was ever mindful and helpful to us. He rallied help from the sisters in the ward. They helped with baby tending, giving shots, household chores and wonderful support in a difficult situation. Bishop Calliser and Lock Hales were ever available and attentive to our needs. I will ever cherish the wonderful service rendered by them and the wonderful sisters who made that summer bearable.
Despite our overwhelming needs, I was committed to being “independent”, but finally got near the end of my tether. On the last Sunday in August of 1960, Bishop Callister approached me at church and insisted that I take a generous amount of money to “give the children a break and a change by taking them to Disneyland.” Now he knew that I could easily afford Disneyland but he also knew that without a commitment, I would not go. He insisted and I finally agreed. He said he had arranged for the sisters to take care of my wife. We went and enjoyed the outing.
Coming home we found the sisters had outdone themselves. They had been out in force and completed the household chores and much more. Only then did I realize I had been outmaneuvered. The trip had been helpful to the children and me and had gotten us out of the way so the sisters could have a free hand. That trip and the great kindness shown, made my wife’s passing early the next morning, August 30, much easier for our family.
About 35 years ago, my wife died after a relatively short illness. While she was ill I tried to explain to the children what was going on. And after she passed on I tried to explain what had happened and the finality of the event to all of them.
I took the children to see their mother after she was prepared in the mortuary. Upon seeing their mother in that shocking setting our 6 year old daughter simply crumpled to the floor and would not get up. No amount of explaining had prepared her for what she saw. Years later, a son (Jeff) who had been 4 at the time of her passing, reported that, after her death and for several years, he had watched for his mother to come home from shopping. He did not want to accept the fact she was gone out his life and hoped she was simply on an errand.
Then there are the reminders. Clothing, shoes, a whiff of perfume or some food the person liked or a picture or an unfinished project, a high chair or toy. And we may miss the service of the departed. The ways we miss people who pass away is as wide as life itself. But it takes a while for the size and permanence of the loss to sink in.
And the questions: Could we have done more for the person? Did we do everything we could to prevent them going or was it in any way our fault? Did the person know that we loved and appreciated them or did we ever tell them?
Q. Can you talk about how each of your siblings were informed of their mother's death.
A. See JHG above
Q: How do you think having your mother die when you were 14 shaped you emotionally the rest of your life?
I was very close to my mother. When I went to bed at night she came into my bedroom, sat on the floor next to my bed, and we talked about the day and what was happening. We had long discussions that help me cope with life. I totally depended on her for emotional support. My testimony of the Book of Mormon and the church helped me stay grounded so I didn’t do anything crazy. In High School I met Sherry Cornwell and we had a close nuturing relationship for quite a few years. She was my emotional support. Of course Suzanne and Deborah have filled that role for me. I need emotional support and affection. They fill me with love. With them I am fine and totally happy. Without them, life would be difficult.
Q. How about your father marrying again so soon after?
A. Men having a wife die and remarrying is very common today and in days past. This isn’t out of the ordinary.
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| 1966 |
A. Getting used to Carol was difficult for her and for us. Carol once said, “It takes years to build relationships.” Once when the whole family was together she took offense at something somebody said, walked out of the house, hiked 8 blocks to the Brand Library above our home and sulked.” After a while she came back and nobody even noticed she was gone. That disappointed her. Now that I have gone through step-motherhood twice I think it is one of the most difficult challenge we face in life. It takes everyone getting along to make it work. When we are immature or self centered a stepmother will bring out the worst in us. There is still some resentment toward Carol but for Sandy and Mark and I - those days are long gone. We loved Carol, told her often and appreciate all she did for us. And that was a lot. She isn’t Elaine but he is a marvelous saint in her own right.
Q. For me, I think many of us get stunted in some areas of emotional maturity at the age we lose our mothers. So, in many ways, I am still 16, and Brett is still 5, etc. in subsections of our emotional growth. And it takes a lot of targeted effort to overcome that stunted growth. Did you ever read about ways too deal with childhood grief?
A. I have read about grief and taken classes on the subject. One of my best friends, Leland Davis worked a lot with grief. He said everyone grieves in their own way. Some need to cry it out, others need to write their feelings and get clarity as to what has happened. Having someone to talk to is very important. One problem I see is that as Elaine and Suzanne died at an early age it left two men to fend for themselves. Women are much better at dealing with all the tender emotional feelings surround this important event. In some ways the least skilled persons at this were left behind to try and manage the situation. We did what we could. It may not have been enough but Dad and I gave our best efforts. JH loved his children as I love each of you.
Carol:
Q. I can't seem to find much on her on the gathering Gardiners spot, her name links me to a genealogy site that I don't have access to. What was she doing before she married grandpa?
A. When you go to GatheringGardiners.com look at the top left on any page and you’ll find pages dedicated to home pages for different family lines. Included is the Thomsen Heritage. Click on that link and you get this: It includes lots of photos, many videos of Carol answering questions and documents:
Q. I remember Grandpa and Grandma called each other Mother and Father. What did you and your siblings call her? Did she have an expectation of what to be called?
A. As I remember most of us called JH - Dad or JH or grandpa. We called Carol, Carol or grandma. I don’t recall a discussion of what she preferred. I should have asked. It didn’t seem to be a big deal at the time.
Q. I had heard various stories over the years, I forget from whom, which seemed like I had tiny puzzle pieces started to add up to a picture. Someone said that Carol was only nice to the men folk in the family, and very hard on the girls. Do you think your sisters felt this way?
A. As stated before Mark, Sandy and I viewed Carol as the mother in the home and wife of JH. We loved her and appreciated the thousands of things she did for Dad and us. When they got married it was important for Dad to have a hard working wife. That was Carol. She made bread weekly, hung clothes out on the line to dry even though we had a dryer, washed the dishes even though for a short time we had a dishwasher that worked, took care of grandchildren, went to the temple and served in the church. She was a worker. You could also go to her for advice which was always sound. I liked talking to her.
A. One of the great things about marriage is when the couple totally love each other, are true to each other and work as a team. Carol and Dad worked as a team. They took care of some of you when Suzanne and I went on vacations, gardened together, held family gatherings together, did many hours of indexing together. As a couple they were powerful.
Q. Someone once said that you weren't sure if you felt loved by Carol, was that just as a child, or your whole life, or an inaccurate statement? I remember as a child, thinking Carol was bluntly funny, in kind of a teasing way, but this from the point of view as a grandchild. I can see how a child with a recently deceased mother might have felt more sensitive to some of her ways.
A. I always felt Carol loved and cared for me. However at times she was hard to convince of my love for her. Because I tended to be sarcastic, self-centered and immature, these attributes may have given her the idea that I didn’t love her. But the day Dad died changed all that. She told me that going through the death of JH together helped her to know that I cared a great deal for her and loved her. Her last years solidified that in her mind and she went to her grave knowing I loved her without question.
A. What is there not to love about Carol? I can’t think of anything. From my view she was a saint.
A. Carol was very complimentary. When I combed my hair using the mirror in the small bathroom while in High School, at the back of the house she often called me an “adonis” meaning a handsome man. Being an insecure teenager that ment a lot to me and she said that most of my life. I always viewed her as highly intelligent, with a great vocabulary and a very funny sense of humor. She was just plain fun to be around.
A. Carol’s advice for young marrieds was, “Keep your big mouth shut.”
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| 1979 BYU |
Your dad:
Q.How was your father's parenting style different from yours?
A. Parenting style can mean lots of things. Most people follow what their parents did for them. JH and I both tried to encourage what we felt would bring the most happiness to our children. The problem comes when children rebel and don’t want to follow their parents. For children who want to take a different course it is impossible to “force” them. The best way is to persuade, encourage, praise, love, cherish each child and lead by example. I recently found out that all of David’s Brown’s four children have left the church. I think two served missions. This must be discouraging to David but he moves forward with love unfeigned. I want this to be my parenting style. It wasn’t always that way and I have shed many tears over some of the bad decisions my children have made. It is painful. But sometimes that is the way we learn. My dad used to say you can learn from the mistakes of others or you can make your own mistakes and learn from the consequences. It is much better to learn from others. Less painful.
Most of my children have made great decisions. They have good jobs, are productive members of society, give lots of service and love to others. There is a lot to be proud of in our family.
Q. Did your dad, mom, or Carol have tempers, or experience rage, similar to some of the rage you felt when you were raising us? Did they hit you kids? Did you ever view it as excessive?
A. Carol had no temper as far as I was concerned. Dad did. After Dad married Carol he made a bad decision by buying a large Pontiac station wagon. It was a costly mistake and didn’t work out well. One day when I was about 16 he asked for help because the car broke down. He was under the car dealing with some mechanical problem and asked for help. I told him no. He got angry and roughed me up a bit. Afterwards I felt I deserved his ire. I never saw him get angry with anyone else however Mark told me JH got mad at him one time. I don’t recall ever being spanked or verbally put down by JH or Carol. I am sure I deserved correction. Most of the time they just told me to knock it off. The times JH got angry were rare. We all have tendencies we need to overcome. He overcame his temper and was a loving father and grandfather. If you needed any kind of help Dad was there to support and take care of you. When I was dealing with Suzanne’s cancer, raising 6 children on my own and money problems, Dad helped with money, a nice rocker for Suzanne’s comfort and Dad and Carol watched Brett while Suzanne was in the hospital. JH has a generous soul.
A. I have a friend in our ward whose parents divorced when he was young. During the summers he and his father lived in the mountains above SLC. It was like camping. For food he had to go behind Smiths and fished food out of the dumpster. One time the grocery workers saw him doing this and the next day when he came back for more food he found the workers had poisoned the food or made it uneatable. For lack of food he didn’t weigh what he should have. Some summers when he lived with his mother at the start the of summer she drove to a home that was unknown to the boy, dropped him off and waved good bye. One time when this happened he chased her car down the street as fast as he could run yelling for his mother to stop. She didn’t. Since then whenever he finds himself in a new place he plans how to get back to known territory. In spite of a horrific upbringing this man has freely forgiven his parents and moved on with life. Unfortunately his sister has not and remains stuck in the past. Truly sad.
Mom in hospital first time:
Q. So, Brett was born May of 89, and Mom started the killer dose treatment April of 90. In my mind, Brett was gone for like a year. But, since the journal stops, I don't really know what happened here. Was he shipped of to Gardiners in April for 6 months, to give mom some time to recover after she got home in June or July? Or was it longer? I felt like Brett left a baby and came back a toddler.
A. JHG Journal:
April 30, 1990 Brett here. Kent and Suzanne off for weekend prior to hospital. (We went to Santa Barbara for a get-away)
May 5, 1990, Kent called about 10 – Suzanne doing poorly coughing up blood, trouble breathing heart rate fast. Kent exhausted – Grandma Brighton still at Kent’s will pick up two little ones tomorrow at 12:30 after Brett’s nap.
May 20, Don H working, K Don attended Liz for birth of Baby girl. Eliz, Ashley Kent here when we get home. Suzanne out of intensive care but has mental problems – (she lost track of time from too much time in hospital) kidneys still not functioning. Kent is drug out. (Too much time in the hospital is called IC psychosis.)
June 10, 1990 Carol got Brett and I took him to priesthood before he got too tired, not shy about speaking out and displays some temper even with strangers. Talked a bit with Suzanne at home, said she cried all the way home so glad to be out of hospital but can’t do much. Went to see Audrey at home. Doing poorly using walker.
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| Santa Barbara 1990 |
May 20, Don H working, K Don attended Liz for birth of Baby girl. Eliz, Ashley Kent here when we get home. Suzanne out of intensive care but has mental problems – (she lost track of time from too much time in hospital) kidneys still not functioning. Kent is drug out. (Too much time in the hospital is called IC psychosis.)
June 10, 1990 Carol got Brett and I took him to priesthood before he got too tired, not shy about speaking out and displays some temper even with strangers. Talked a bit with Suzanne at home, said she cried all the way home so glad to be out of hospital but can’t do much. Went to see Audrey at home. Doing poorly using walker.
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| Suzanne in hospital 1990 |
A. We had ward members come into the home to help while I was at work or at the hospital.
Q. Grandpa Brown writes a bit about some things that went wrong, while mom was in the hospital, but not in any detail. I do remember the thick blue/purple scars on her upper arms (inside?), what was this from?
A. Scars may have been caused while she was on a breathing tube and on a cooling bed to bring down her temperature. She needed to be held down to avoid falling off the bed. Not really sure about this. The reason she went into intensive care was because they gave her too much chemo. I went to see her as usual in her regular room and was completely surprised to see an empty bed. I asked the nurse where she was and she told me Suzanne had been transferred to intensive care. That was a relief because I thought have died in the night.
Hayley: For what it’s worth working in ICU 7 years now.
My heart aches having an understanding of what she went through and the family went through. I have taken care of maybe sick and dying patients. It is so traumatic for everyone involved.
Moms family:
Q. I know mom and most of her siblings adored her dad. Were there any long standing riffs between mom's siblings and Gpa Brown?
Q. Did it seem that mom was not close to her siblings?
A. Suzanne took an interest in all of her siblings. She helped Michael Wooten get a job when he was out of work. We often visited her siblings and had many family gatherings. I never saw any discord between Suzanne and her siblings. We visited all of her siblings when they were within reach. She was probably closest to Barbara, Jim Jr and David.
Q. Were/are any of her siblings close with each other?
A. As far as I know they were a close knit family. During family gatherings I never saw any discord or tension.
Q. From my outside view, it seemed Barbara made a lot of effort, but everyone was too busy with their own lives and problems.
A. Marjorie, then Suzanne and after Suzanne passed Barbara were the ones who arranged family get-to-gethers. I really enjoyed all of Suzanne’s siblings but of course I thought Suzanne was the best.
Q. Who lived with Grandpa toward the end, while Norma was in the hospital, was that Jenny? Should I reach out to Uncle Jim Jr for contact details?
A. Yes Jenny and her husband lived with Grandpa. She did many drawings of family members. A talented little artist. She still lives in California.
A: From Jim Jr: Jenny is going through a lot right now. She found breast cancer back in May and is still struggling with her insurance and physicians to receive any treatment and it has doubled in size since it was found.
Missing years 1990-1993:
Q. How long after mom came home was she "back to normal" or whatever was the new normal, was it a few months to recover, or longer?
A. Suzanne gained strength slowly. She was a lot better after six months. I don’t think she ever gained full strength but she was strong enough to cook, take care of you and get around.
Q. Did they regularly test her for cancer, and how? Bloodwork, MRIs?
A. From the time she was released from the hospital until she died she was under the care of a cancer doctor or oncologist. She had regular tests and for a while they all seemed to be doing well. About a year before she died she began to slow down. One day she came to me and said, “ I’m going to do some homeopathic cures for the cancer including juicing carrots and wheat grass. I arranged for carrots to be delivered and grew wheat grass on the side of the house so she could juice them. Dr. Brown thought this might be helpful. She also said, “Kent you need to take care of the children and do all the cooking. If I get better it will be because I am able to focus on my own health. If I don’t get better you will be in charge of everyone anyway.” She was right. That was quite a day.
A. January 12, 1994
Suzanne: Marjorie came over later and we added a few more things to DaNae’s history. I let her proof read it and I read DaNae’s patriarchal blessing and some books on nutrition that she had loaned me. She brought me some bee pollen that she used to give DaNae, and fixed some Slurpee’s using ice and grape juice concentrate, which she blended in a mixer. We had a sweet visit together. I never used to pay attention to all this vitamin and herb cancer healing stuff, but now I do. Who knows? perhaps it helped to extend DaNae's life and strength. If it does mine too, then I'm interested. She told me about thymus and Vitamin K building up the blood counts and I bought some later in the afternoon after picking up Ashley.
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| 1994 |
1993 June 20
Suzanne: On the really good news side: I went in for an echocardiogram Friday, aria my Ejection-Fraction rate was 52.2k, about the same as it was before my transplant (normal is anywhere from 38-64't). When 1 was in CC(J, it was down below l5, and last year at this time it was only up to 23'. My shortening traction rate is also well within the normal range. My doctor says that anyone loosing at my current health record would have no idea or what I'd been through in the last two years. Now, is that a miracle or what We believe in the power of faith and prayer.
Suzanne: 1993 June 20
Dear Family and Friends, (family letter)
We have just learned that Suzanne's cancer is back for good. Recent scans have revealed some lymph node involvement below her sternum, and some tumor on a rib and in her pelvis. She has also had a second chest wall recurrence. That's the bad news. The good news is that this is a very slow-growing cancer--these cells have likely been there since before she first discovered her lump over five years ago. it is possible they have been there as long as 7 years or more, since it is believed that cancer spreads very early in its history before a lump is even felt. She has also received the assurance that the birth of Brett (and even possibly Ashley) made no difference in her prognosis. Her kind of cancer, which is hormone-receptive and recurs to the chest wall, lymph nodes, and bones is less aggressive and more easily treatable than cancer which is not hormone-receptive and recurs to vital organs. While it is not currently curable, it is controllable, and she is assured several more years of life.
She has begun taking some Medicine (Progesterone) hormone treatment which may stop its growth and put it into remission for a long time (many years). There are still a wide variety of treatments she can try which may slow it up or halt its progress, and there is a lot of encouraging research in the area of microbiology coming up in the future. Some women in Suzanne's situation have lived fifteen to twenty years beyond their original diagnosis and recurrence. She's been "lucky" before, and we are praying that she will be lucky again. We would appreciate your prayers on her behalf as well.
While we are saddened at the news, we are not terribly distraught. Sometimes a trial like this can actually turn into a blessing. As we learned through the death of Suzanne's mother, cancer can give the person and family some time to prepare themselves and draw closer together in love and harmony. We'd like as long of a time together as possible but are trusting in the Lord's goodness and mercy. We are very grateful to the Lord for the miraculous preservation of her life up to the present, and we believe that He will continue to preserve her life as long as she is needed here, which we trust will be a long time still.
Suzanne: 1994 March 30
I spent last two days working on loans which don't seem to be coming through. Monday I went on an appointment with Alex to Burbank to see a Spanish couple and sister who wish to buy a house but are waiting for a sizable amount of money from a judgment first (the sister was injured at work). Ryan had a blue and gold dinner Tuesday night, and did an Indian skit about the Cub Scout colors. Wednesday I ran all sorts of errands, including getting blood drawn and finished packing for our trip to Salt Lake to attend conference. I ached all over and grunted every time I moved. I wonder if this taxol is working? Kent said it hurt him to hear me groaning or gasping for breath.
I spent last two days working on loans which don't seem to be coming through. Monday I went on an appointment with Alex to Burbank to see a Spanish couple and sister who wish to buy a house but are waiting for a sizable amount of money from a judgment first (the sister was injured at work). Ryan had a blue and gold dinner Tuesday night, and did an Indian skit about the Cub Scout colors. Wednesday I ran all sorts of errands, including getting blood drawn and finished packing for our trip to Salt Lake to attend conference. I ached all over and grunted every time I moved. I wonder if this taxol is working? Kent said it hurt him to hear me groaning or gasping for breath.
1994 Friday Apr 29
Pain
This morning I did not have as intense shooting pain as I did the night before. I slept restlessly towards morning, and when I couldn't sleep pled yet again for the Lord's deliverance in my life from the cancer and financial bondage. Though I be unworthy, and nothing really, yet if I exercise the same faith as all the ancient saints and prophets, can I not receive the same blessings? Is not God the same God today as he was yesterday? Is he not yet able to stretch forth his hand in power in my life and bless me, so that I might overcome my afflictions and be able to work in His kingdom? If he would give me the physical strength and ability, and financial means, I would be willing to do anything that He asked of me: go where he wanted me to go, do what he wanted me to do, say what he wanted me to say. Before I went to bed last night, I reread all my blessings and found hope and encouragement. When I am in pain, it is hard to keep my spirits up.
I had to hold my head up with my hand (so it wouldn't strain my neck) and push myself up with my other hand when I got up to go to the bathroom. Otherwise I had shooting, paralyzing pain down my back. I knew that I could not function today so I asked Kent to stay home from work. When he got up to take Rachel to seminary, I had him get me some Tylenol. I had to hold my head up with my hand to drink. My elbows and arms felt so weak and numb. Kent said I was probably coming down with this flu cold thing which he got from Ryan and Brett it started with aches and pains in the back and joints and a scratchy throat (which I have). This, combined with overdoing it yesterday, and a sore spot already in between my shoulder blades which has flared before after chemo, probably is what did me in. It feels like a pinched nerve.
Pain
This morning I did not have as intense shooting pain as I did the night before. I slept restlessly towards morning, and when I couldn't sleep pled yet again for the Lord's deliverance in my life from the cancer and financial bondage. Though I be unworthy, and nothing really, yet if I exercise the same faith as all the ancient saints and prophets, can I not receive the same blessings? Is not God the same God today as he was yesterday? Is he not yet able to stretch forth his hand in power in my life and bless me, so that I might overcome my afflictions and be able to work in His kingdom? If he would give me the physical strength and ability, and financial means, I would be willing to do anything that He asked of me: go where he wanted me to go, do what he wanted me to do, say what he wanted me to say. Before I went to bed last night, I reread all my blessings and found hope and encouragement. When I am in pain, it is hard to keep my spirits up.
I had to hold my head up with my hand (so it wouldn't strain my neck) and push myself up with my other hand when I got up to go to the bathroom. Otherwise I had shooting, paralyzing pain down my back. I knew that I could not function today so I asked Kent to stay home from work. When he got up to take Rachel to seminary, I had him get me some Tylenol. I had to hold my head up with my hand to drink. My elbows and arms felt so weak and numb. Kent said I was probably coming down with this flu cold thing which he got from Ryan and Brett it started with aches and pains in the back and joints and a scratchy throat (which I have). This, combined with overdoing it yesterday, and a sore spot already in between my shoulder blades which has flared before after chemo, probably is what did me in. It feels like a pinched nerve.
1994 Wed May 11
Sleepless
I didn't sleep well night before. I wake up to go to the bathroom, then can't go back to sleep for worrying about our finances and my health. Finally got through to GMAC they will not extend forbearance any longer on escrow account. Full payment of $4529.92 must be paid or loan will go into default. No chance of refi either because monthly income is insufficient. I also try to get a hold of the doctor and the research laboratory mentioned in the Life Magazine article through directory assistance but to no avail. I leave at 7:45 and take Brett to Harrison's early. No Jeffrey this morning. Traffic is horrible and I don't get there to UCLA until 9:10.
My pulse and blood pressure are high, no doubt from stress. Dr. Glaspy has received no faxes from Dr. B. When I tell him what is happening with CA 15-3 and pain he confirms my suspicion that the taxol is no longer effective and probably would be a waste of time to up dosage. He counsels me to be flexible in my approach to treating the cancer willing to try new things when something no longer seems to be working, rather than wasting precious time and energy pursuing a dead end. He said that the important thing now was quality of life. That heavy duty treatments now that may hurt the cancer may also hurt me, and thus lessen my ability to fight the cancer off. He suggested I continue with the Aminugluthemide and add 5FU continuous infusion, plus radiation to the right hip to control the pain. When I asked him about immune therapy using vaccines, he said that it would not work; that the key to curing breast cancer was in genetics. It was a genetic defect which needed to be corrected, and my cancer did not have the one gene that they did find (HER-2) which accounted for 1/3 of breast cancer. Apparently this was a weakness which I was born with.
When he asked how other things were going and I told him about our problems with the house he said that it sounded like it would kill me before the cancer would. He said I was not in a life threatening state, and when I was quite down still he chastised me a little bit, saying my attitude would defeat me and shorten my life. No one could give me a time frame. Anyone (like the Life magazine article) who said a person with metastatic breast cancer would be dead in 5 years was a liar and didn't know what they were talking about, and he'd be happy to call them up and tell them off. He said we were all going to die, none of us knew how long we were going to live, and only God did. But if I thought I would be dead in a given time I probably would, and if he were God, he'd be mad at me if he meant for me to live longer. I tearfully thanked him for his encouragement. I guess I was upset because my dream of having my cancer be cured or even go into long term remission seemed to be fading away.
Sleepless
I didn't sleep well night before. I wake up to go to the bathroom, then can't go back to sleep for worrying about our finances and my health. Finally got through to GMAC they will not extend forbearance any longer on escrow account. Full payment of $4529.92 must be paid or loan will go into default. No chance of refi either because monthly income is insufficient. I also try to get a hold of the doctor and the research laboratory mentioned in the Life Magazine article through directory assistance but to no avail. I leave at 7:45 and take Brett to Harrison's early. No Jeffrey this morning. Traffic is horrible and I don't get there to UCLA until 9:10.
My pulse and blood pressure are high, no doubt from stress. Dr. Glaspy has received no faxes from Dr. B. When I tell him what is happening with CA 15-3 and pain he confirms my suspicion that the taxol is no longer effective and probably would be a waste of time to up dosage. He counsels me to be flexible in my approach to treating the cancer willing to try new things when something no longer seems to be working, rather than wasting precious time and energy pursuing a dead end. He said that the important thing now was quality of life. That heavy duty treatments now that may hurt the cancer may also hurt me, and thus lessen my ability to fight the cancer off. He suggested I continue with the Aminugluthemide and add 5FU continuous infusion, plus radiation to the right hip to control the pain. When I asked him about immune therapy using vaccines, he said that it would not work; that the key to curing breast cancer was in genetics. It was a genetic defect which needed to be corrected, and my cancer did not have the one gene that they did find (HER-2) which accounted for 1/3 of breast cancer. Apparently this was a weakness which I was born with.
When he asked how other things were going and I told him about our problems with the house he said that it sounded like it would kill me before the cancer would. He said I was not in a life threatening state, and when I was quite down still he chastised me a little bit, saying my attitude would defeat me and shorten my life. No one could give me a time frame. Anyone (like the Life magazine article) who said a person with metastatic breast cancer would be dead in 5 years was a liar and didn't know what they were talking about, and he'd be happy to call them up and tell them off. He said we were all going to die, none of us knew how long we were going to live, and only God did. But if I thought I would be dead in a given time I probably would, and if he were God, he'd be mad at me if he meant for me to live longer. I tearfully thanked him for his encouragement. I guess I was upset because my dream of having my cancer be cured or even go into long term remission seemed to be fading away.
Q: Ashley: Hey dad, Can you clarify what kind of breast cancer mom had? I don’t understand what was mentioned about “HER-2”, can you explain?
A: Death certificate written by Dr Brown:
Carcinomatosis is a condition where cancer cells spread widely throughout the body, often to the peritoneum (the lining of the abdominal cavity)
Adernocaronoma is malignant tumor formed from glandular structures in epithelial tissue.
Adernocaronoma is malignant tumor formed from glandular structures in epithelial tissue.
A: Kent:
Suzanne's kind of cancer, which is hormone-receptive and recurs to the chest wall, lymph nodes, and bones is less aggressive and more easily treatable than cancer which is not hormone-receptive and recurs to vital organs.
I understand your concern and I wish I knew more, Love Dad
