Tuesday, September 25, 2018

The Power of Acceptance and the Skill of Empathy

From the book:  Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline By Becky Bailey

The Power of Acceptance and Empathy. Each moment is as it is

This power challenges the idea of how things should be.
It is a huge responsibility to know what is best for the world.
Judging the moment to be no good reinforces personal inadequacy.

Acceptance means recognizing that people, situations and events are what they are. Each moment simply is. This does not mean we agree with what is happening, just that we acknowledge it is happening.

When things don't go our way we have a fit: irritation, complaining, whining, verbal attacking, criticism, name calling, judgments and actually hurting others.

When we don't accept things as they are we also negate the person. They become "stupid" You dummy you didn't do it right. Then the person tries to overcome the stupid feeling through overachieving, trying to be perfect, blaming, overeating, drinking, drugs etc

Resistance doesn't bring change.


Adult "fits"  range from upset, mild complaining, whining, to verbal attacking, criticism, name calling, judgements, bullying and actually hurting others.
Not accepting something doesn't change what is happening. Adult have fits 50% of the time.

Disappointment is tough.  Empathy is the solution.

When you want to control others:
1.  you are enmeshed in your own perspective and no one else matters.
 2. others will not follow your wishes and like it
3.  stop trying to control others's feelings

Empathy is understand how another feels and having insights into her thoughts and actions

Empathy is not weak-kneed permissiveness or passive acceptance of misbehavior. Empathy means understanding how another person feels.

Your response with empathy has two aspects
1. Your level of calm (will lower empaty)
2. Equating your child's upset with disrespect (will lower empathy)

Ways to respond to an upset person:
1.  Ignore
2. Let the person cope alone
3. Punish feelings I will give you something to cry about
4. Offer empathy and help with emotions.

Practice noticing things around you without judging.
If things aren't going well say to yourself, "This moment is as it is, I can relax."
Be in the moment.
Don't be a know it all, just accept what is happening without judging.

I feel ______  (Acknowledge your own feelings)
Reflect back the feelings of your children
Don't try and fix their problems

Reflect what you see
Reflect what you feel
Reflect what you hear.


D&C 78:19
19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.

D&C 122:7
And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

3 Nephi 14:1-3
And now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he turned again to the multitude, and did open his mouth unto them again, saying: Verily, verily, I say unto you, Judge not, that ye be not judged.
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

Matthew 5:25
Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou. art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary. deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver. thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.

Alma 37:34
34 Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.


Cynthiana Brown walks children around the UES campus asking them to notice sounds, shapes, shadows, colors.

Bill Cosby lacks empathy for the thoughts and feelings of others.